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PLEASE SWIM BETWEEN THE FAGS

Pressure is mounting on Waverley Council to establish a designated smoking-permitted area on Bondi Beach, according to local reports. This would encourage nicotine-addicted beach-goers to confine their anti-social habits to one section of the sand, rather than pollute the entire beach.

(Smoking on Bondi Beach has officially been banned since 2004, but it is not enforced. The Wentworth Courier reported recently, however, that “Sand Ambassadors” would soon be patrolling the beach to encourage smoking surfers and sunbathers to observe the ban and snuff out their fags.)

“I can remember when there was a crying room at the cinema in Bondi Road, where intrusive babies could be taken so as not to annoy other cinema-goers,” said one long-time Bondi resident. “The same principle should apply to smokers.”

According to the Wentworth Courier, the council’s ban on smoking at Bondi is generally ignored, and calls for fines to be imposed dismissed as impractical, and likely to incite anger and provoke violence.

“The best place for a smoking area would be up the south end, where it’s dangerous to swim anyway if the rip is running,” the long-time resident said. “So this would kill two birds with the one stone, if you will excuse the expression. There could be special flags erected showing where it is safe smoke.”

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